US Presidential Election 2024: The Absurd Campaign Promises of Joe Biden and Donald Trump

As the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election heats up, the candidates are going to great lengths to capture the public’s imagination. This year’s promises, however, seem to have ventured into the realm of the surreal. Here’s a look at some of the most outlandish commitments from Donald Trump and Joe Biden.

Donald Trump’s Thunderous Pledge

In an effort to win over pet owners, Donald Trump has promised to “end thunderstorms forever” to ensure that dogs no longer cower in fear. “We’re going to build a great, great dome over the entire country,” Trump declared at a rally. “It’s going to be the best dome, folks, and it will stop all the thunderstorms. Your dogs will thank me. I will be the best president for pets. Believe me.”

But that’s not all. Trump has also vowed to:

1. Make Mondays Illegal: “Nobody likes Mondays. We’re going to ban them. The week will start with Tuesday. Productivity will skyrocket.”
2. Bring Back Dinosaurs: “We’re talking to the top scientists. Jurassic Park was a great movie, and we can make it a reality. Imagine the tourism!”
3. Ban All Vegetables: “Kids hate them, adults hate them. From now on, it’s meat and potatoes only. The way it should be.”
4. Mandatory Gold-plated Trump Towers in Every State: “Every state deserves its own Trump Tower. It will boost the economy and be a symbol of greatness.”

Joe Biden’s Confounding Commitments

Not to be outdone, Joe Biden’s campaign has its own set of peculiar promises. At a recent town hall, Biden confidently stated, “If you elect me president, I promise that I will be president — or, you know, someone will be president. I guarantee it.” He then went on to share these baffling plans:

1. Confuse Time Zones: “We’re going to mix up all the time zones. Nobody knows what time it is anyway. It’ll be fun, and it will confuse our enemies.”
2. Mandate Daily Naps: “Every American will have the right to a daily nap, no exceptions. Naps make us stronger.”
3. National Ice Cream Day Every Day: “Ice cream brings people together. It’s simple: more ice cream, more unity.”
4. Rename the Internet: “We will rename the internet to ‘Interbob.’ It’s friendlier and more approachable.”

The Showdown of the Century

As Election Day approaches, it’s clear that the 2024 race for the White House will be remembered for its sheer absurdity. Whether any of these promises will be kept is, of course, highly questionable — but they certainly make for an entertaining spectacle. Stay tuned as Trump and Biden continue to one-up each other in the most imaginative ways possible.

This fictional article was written by AI for entertainment purposes.