Kamala Harris’ Warp-Speed Campaign Launch: The Future is “Brat” and Coconut Memes

In a political blitzkrieg not seen since Alexander the Great decided he wanted all of Asia for his summer home, Vice President Kamala Harris has launched her 2024 campaign with such velocity that physicists at NASA are debating whether she might actually be a new form of cosmic event.

The last five days have seen the Democrats undergo a transformation that can only be described as a cross between a Cinderella story and a Marvel origin tale. The campaign’s fundraising exploded faster than a teenager’s phone bill, with Harris’ team reporting a jaw-dropping $126 million raised between Sunday afternoon and Tuesday evening. This rapid influx of cash has given new meaning to the phrase “money talks,” with Harris’ campaign team hoping it doesn’t just talk, but gives a TED Talk at the Democratic National Convention.

The reaction from the Democratic base has been nothing short of ecstatic. It’s as if someone combined Christmas, Mardi Gras, and a Taylor Swift concert into one, electrifying experience. Michigan AFL-CIO President Ron Bieber described the energy in his state as “electric,” a comment that led to speculation he might actually be an undercover DJ at an EDM festival.

But this isn’t just about the dollars and the dances. Social media has been taken over by…