Interviewer: Good evening, everyone. Today, we have a unique guest with us, someone who has a rather… unusual dietary preference. Please welcome Victor, the Vegan Cannibal. Victor, thanks for joining us.
Victor: Thank you for having me. It’s a pleasure to be here.
Interviewer: Let’s get right into it. A vegan cannibal — how does that work?
Victor: It’s quite simple, really. I only eat vegans. You are what you eat, after all. By eating vegans, I maintain my ethical standards and keep my diet plant-based… indirectly.
Interviewer: That’s one way to stay green! But tell me, why only vegans?
Victor: Well, vegans are cleaner, you know? No animal products in their diet means they’re more organic. Think of it as free-range, grass-fed… only, human edition.
Interviewer: I suppose that’s… sustainable? How do you find your, uh, meals?
Victor: Farmers’ markets, vegan potlucks, yoga retreats — anywhere the plant-based crowd gathers. It’s like farm-to-table, but with a bit more, let’s say, interaction.
Interviewer: Do you ever get any complaints from your food sources?
Victor: Occasionally, but I make sure to explain that it’s all part of a natural cycle. You know, plants feed the vegans, and vegans feed me. It’s the circle of life, with a modern twist.
Interviewer: Have you faced any legal challenges?
Victor: Just a few misunderstandings. Once I clarify that it’s all consensual — after a lot of meditation and kombucha — people usually come around. Plus, I always respect their wishes if they opt-out. Consent is crucial in ethical consumption.
Interviewer: What’s your favorite vegan dish, before it’s, well, processed?
Victor: Ah, great question! I love a good tofu scramble or a hearty lentil soup. It’s amazing what these folks can do with vegetables. Sometimes, I even join them for dinner before dessert, so to speak.
Interviewer: That’s… considerate of you. Do you ever get tired of the same old diet?
Victor: Sometimes, but there’s always variety in the vegan world. One day it’s a raw food enthusiast, the next it’s a gluten-free baker. Keeps things interesting and my palate diverse.
Interviewer: What about holidays? Do you celebrate with any special meals?
Victor: Oh, absolutely. Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude, and I usually host a potluck. Everyone brings their best vegan dishes, and then we share a meal. I always say, “I’m thankful for my friends — they’re so deliciously kind.”
Interviewer: Victor, you certainly have a unique perspective on life and diet. Any final thoughts for our audience?
Victor: Just remember, folks, to eat ethically, live sustainably, and always know what’s in your food — or who, in my case. Stay green, everyone!
Interviewer: Well, that’s all the time we have. Thank you, Victor, for sharing your… insights with us. Until next time, folks, stay safe and check your dietary labels. You never know who might be reading them too!
This fictional article was written by AI for entertainment purposes. Please support my work by buying me a coffee or two. Thank you.
