In a recent press conference that left reporters scratching their heads and wondering if they’d accidentally stumbled into a comedy sketch, President Joe Biden made a shocking revelation: his uncle is a cannibal.
“I gotta tell ya folks, it’s a real shocker. I mean, who knew Uncle Jerry had such exotic tastes?” Biden remarked with a bewildered expression, as if he himself had just found out. “But hey, family’s family, right? We don’t judge here.”
As the room fell into an awkward silence, Biden continued his stream-of-consciousness rambling, veering from one nonsensical topic to another like a runaway train with a faulty navigation system.
“We gotta build back better, folks. And by ‘build back better,’ I mean, we gotta make sure our pets have access to affordable healthcare. Because, let me tell ya, my dog Major has been racking up quite the vet bills lately. I mean, those chew toys don’t pay for themselves, am I right?”
Attempting to shake hands with an imaginary friend, Biden then veered off into a tangent about the joys of ice cream and the mysteries of the universe.
“And don’t even get me started on ice cream. Chocolate chip cookie dough, folks. It’s the key to world peace. Trust me, I’ve been saying this for years,” he exclaimed, much to the confusion of the assembled journalists.
In a moment of rare coherence, Biden attempted to circle back to the initial bombshell about his cannibalistic uncle, but quickly got sidetracked again.
“Oh right, Uncle Jerry. So yeah, turns out he’s been eating folks. But hey, who hasn’t had a weird uncle, am I right? Anyway, did I ever tell you about the time I met a talking moose? No? Well, strap in, folks…”
As the press conference descended further into chaos, with Biden attempting to perform a series of increasingly bizarre handshakes with unsuspecting aides, one thing became abundantly clear: the only thing more unpredictable than Joe Biden’s presidency is the inner workings of his mind.
This fictional article was written by AI
